Small Things

श्री वक्रतुण्ड महाकाय सूर्य कोटी समप्रभा निर्विघ्नं कुरु मे देव सर्व-कार्येशु सर्वदा॥ 

O Lord Ganesha of the curved trunk and massive body, the one whose splendor is equal to millions of Suns, please bless me to that I do not face any obstacles in my endeavors.
 

Happy Chaturthi and Visarjan!  Ganapati Bappa morya!  Pudhchya varshi lavkar ya!  ^_^

Sometimes it's the littlest things that are the sweetest...

It's something a lot of Westerners coming into Hindu Dharma worry about in the beginning, when first going to Temple and looking for a community to worship among.  We may already have friends and family who are of Indian descent or origin, in some cases they may even  take us to the Temple we end up frequenting.  But there's still that worry...  are we culturally misappropriating, or will we be seen as doing so.  Will we be left out, ignored, or shunned because of the happenstance of our birth this time around, which truly makes us stick out like a sore thumb.  It can be so much harder if you are a more generally solitary and retiring person, socially awkward and anxious even among friends and family, and going to Temple alone. 

Like most Westerners coming into open worship for the first time, I tend to avoid days with crowds and stay in the back of the group, taking my turn at Aarti or other things only after most others have gone first - especially elders and children.  Except on rare and special occasions I don't wear a Tilaka unless a Pandit or someone else puts one on me, I often don't feel I have the right to wear one on my own and don't wish to draw any more attention than I already do.  Being raised Western, I was taught that is it extremely rude to not look someone in the eye when they are speaking to you, but being female I have found this gets me into some trouble on the rare occasion people talk to me - especially as I am not accompanied by a male.  This is because it's usually been older men who speak to me, for some reason, and in my exuberance at being acknowledged by someone mixed with the high energy of the Temple, I tend to become overly enthusiastic and babble.  It never occurred to me until one such person started becoming too familiar that my happiness and Western cultural habits might be interpreted poorly...

Some of it is generational I think, I haven't had such an experience with Indian men of my generation or younger, but the older generations seem to forget the norms of the culture they're in as easily as I forget the behavioral norms of the culture I am joining in order to worship Sri Bhagavan among others.  The problem is mine only, though, as this is their space where they can meet together as a cultural community, and they are very kind to allow me to come into such a private and sacred space and join them.  But it adds a whole new level of anxiety as I must carefully watch my own instinctive behavior and retrain myself in how I act in these places.  I look at it as a part of my Sadhana:  a lesson and practice in remaining Present and Mindful in all situations, controlling my actions, thoughts and speech.  I am getting better.

Still, there are always those that will suck their teeth and murmur around me in Hindi, assuming I don't understand a word - but I'm learning Hindi so I am starting to catch some things.  There are always those that walk right in front of me in a line, as if I'm not there.  It's sad because if anyone asked I would have them go ahead of me anyway.  But again, it is part of my practice:  humility and deference to others.  Any feelings I might have about such happenings is only my ego, which needs to be controlled and then set aside.

Of course that means any feelings are ego, and so the joy I feel at the little gestures of acceptance and inclusion must be included in this.  Still, such simple things can feel so intensely nice, and I wonder if anyone on the other side stops to realize how significant such seemingly small things can be to those of us who were not born into Dharma in this life, but had to find our way to it.

Those that are usually present on Monday evenings, the Trustees, the Pujari and ceremony Emcee all recognize me now, as well as some others who come on the days that I do if there is a festival.  They try to make sure I'm included in things lately, for instance inviting me to take a Tali Plate and participate in the Monday evening pujas everyone was doing during Shravan month.

These last ten days the Temple had Sri Ganapati staying during Chaturthi.  Last night they held their Visarjan.  We had already held ours at home the day before, I had assumed the Temple would have held theirs on the Sunday as well, so was a little surprised but very happy to see.  I had intended to leave after Aarti, but found myself pulled into the Visarjan procession circling the central mandap and floorspace.  I knew the energy that would be there, but it still surprised me.  And then I noticed that with each circle around, the Murti was being passed back to another person or family in the parade.  People who had already carried Bappa were starting to filter out of the parade and stand watching, so as the Murti neared my position I tried to slip out to stand with the others, feeling that I didn't have a right to carry Him in this group.  I hadn't been there for the Sthapana puja and had only been to one other day while He was staying, and I still don't wholly feel like a part of the community.

My attempt to slip away, even among a clapping and singing crowd, was noticed and foiled.  To my surprised embarrassment, there were the Trustees and Emcee gesturing and then gently pushing me back into the line, telling me I had to carry Him.  I tried to explain I wasn't worthy, but noise, language barrier and whatever else, they insisted that they were waiting for me and it wouldn't be complete if I didn't.  This ended me near the very end of the line, and I somehow ended up carrying Bappa in the last circle of the parade and then all the way from the Mandap to the separate room where the water had been prepared - there is no body of water near the Temple, so the immersion was indoors.

Final pradakshina of the tub of water was done, singing, to allow those who prepared the prasad to carry Him too, and then immersion was done by the Temple children.  It left me feeling warm and glowing, for a small time truly feeling a part of the community.  I don't know if I can ever communicate how grateful I am for that little gesture, that small thing, which was more of a gift than I think they realize.

Chaturthi last year was a time of such gifts and joy.  Chaturthi this year was no different.  I sincerely wish and hope that everyone else's Chaturthi was too.

ऊँ गं गणपतये नमः

Om Gaṁ Gaṇapataye Namaḥ

~Pranam