I tried to come up with a more graceful title for this post, like "Why Hindu Dharma?" or something, and then I had an interesting and awkward experience the other day. That experience served to both remind me of something and teach me something new about myself: I was reminded that I tend to avoid the word "Religion", I associate it with negative things and so tend to couch my own beliefs in more euphemistic terms, such as "Spirituality", in the hope that it's more acceptable to myself and others. I realized after this experience that this is wrong. While at one time that might have been accurate, today the strength of my belief is much more than simple "Spirituality"; that using such words now is a disservice bordering on dishonesty to call it anything other than what it is: Religion.
I've accepted that and have found a kind of joy and peace in it that has surprised me. I'll explore this more another time though. This post is really meant to be an expansion on my earlier Intro post, outlining my own wandering journey from the western traditions I was born to in this life, to Sri Shiva’s shining, lotus feet.
This life began being born into, from what I can tell, a fairly religious Christian family. But then I was adopted. My Family, who raised me, is an interesting blend like so many often found in the US, especially around the coasts and big cities. My Mother's family are first generation Spanish (Valencia) and Italian (Naples). They were raised Catholic, which is the majority from those heritages, but most of them are either severely lapsed and pretty much agnostic or flat out atheist now. My Father's family is Colonial New England stock by way of northern England. Suffice to say they were Protestant from way back then, but we're not certain what sect. Now most of the line is either Unitarian or Congregationalist, my Dad was raised Unitarian.
For those that don't know, these are just about the furthest two extremes of Christianity you can find. Most are probably well acquainted with Catholicism. Unitarians are extreme universalists and don't actually care if you believe in the Abrahamic God or not, the services tend to be inclusive of all beliefs and scriptures and they embrace some eastern philosophy in their own way. All are welcome, though the end goals preached are the same as any Christian faith. I applaud this, I think it's great to bring people together in understanding and brotherhood, though I think they tend to forget the core beliefs and goals of the eastern thought they have brought in are very different from their own. This is my background, where this birth began and how my Parents tried to raise me.
Attempts to indoctrinate me into either system of belief met with extreme resistance and sometimes sullen resentment, from an early age. There are some things I knew with a certainty for as long as I can remember. These things directly clashed with Christian belief systems. I didn't have the vocabulary or frame of reference to describe these things I knew very well, but I knew when what I was being told conflicted with what I knew to be true and I couldn’t help but call it out every time. Here is what I knew as a child:
- God exists
- God is all around us, in everything living and non-living. In us too.
- God is the warm sun and the sparkle in new snow, God is light and love. God loves all, no matter what, and doesn’t judge or punish.
- There is no ‘sin’ as Christians describe it, one is not ‘born in sin’ as they believe, we have God in us so we are as perfect inside as God.
- Hell is a Human creation, there is no such place as Christians describe it.
- There also is no Heaven, as Christians describe it.
- There is no real ‘Death’. The body changes but we remain. I knew this because I knew I used to look different and live somewhere else, I remembered it clearly.
- Everything, no matter how we Humans might perceive it, is Beautiful. All things, even the most terrible seeming things, are Beautiful and Perfect and Necessary as part of the Whole.
- Everything is Music, even light is Music. Everything sings its own song. The world around us is all of those songs together, all at once.
I questioned and argued with the catechism teachers and ministers/priests. When I was very young I couldn't express very well why I disagreed, so was often labeled as intractable and stubborn, and frankly I remember being very frustrated with my inability express my thoughts in such a way that I would be heard. I also knew when I was being patronized and resented it intensely. Eventually I became so used to being negatively labeled and either argued with or ignored, I preferred to just zone out and stay silent. My Mom tells a story about how they became worried enough about my silence that they took me to a Psychiatrist for evaluation. The doctor said I was fine and very smart and that was the end of that. I don’t actually remember that at all.
The minute I was old enough to choose to be confirmed in the Church or not, I chose (of course) 'Not' and never went back. I don't think I was the only one who was relieved. From this time forward began my own search for a faith that matched what I knew to be true. I didn't stop to think I might not find it, or such a Faith might not exist. I knew with such certainty that what I believed was Truth that I was also certain there were others like me out there somewhere.
In 5th Grade, I had discovered Western Mediterranean “Mythology” – I use quotes because these were once legitimate religions, but this is unfortunately the vocabulary I have to work with. I read Homer’s Iliad and Odyssey, the Egyptian Book of the Dead, and began to devour everything I could find regarding the Greek, Egyptian and Roman histories and Religious Pantheon Stories – at least, as best as I could find information in my small New England town.
In 6th Grade I made a friend who was Mormon. This was my first introduction to a form of Christianity that was not one of the three I grew up with. Somehow it hadn’t occurred to me yet there were others, at least not any that were still practiced. I borrowed a Book of Mormon from her and went to a couple of their Temple Meetings. It wasn’t for me, of course, but it began a new path of studying the various versions of Christianity and their versions of Scripture, and then a further exploration of Abrahamic Religions in General. In the years after, I read more versions of the Bible than I can remember, the Torah and Talmud, the Koran. I went to different Churches/Temples where I had the ability to go to any.
It was about this time I began to have certain experiences that deeply affected me as well. I was having recurring nightmares and strange dreams that were almost prescient at times. Some of the nightmares also carried into waking for a few minutes. I started sensing things like rainbows around people. It was weird and a little scary. Then someone came to me and taught me about what was happening. I was taught how to dream lucidly and then control the dreams, how to project a protective barrier around myself, and that what I was seeing was auras of chakras, and how to read and control that ability. He taught me basic meditation and breath control as well, and lead me to several visions. Today I call that person a Guru, my first Guru, but back then he was simply a mysterious Teacher and Friend. He left me only a couple of years later, almost as mysteriously as he came. He said we would meet again someday, I still hope he meant in this birth. I will write more about him and these experiences another time.
In 8th Grade, not long after Guru left, I met Sri Ganesha for the first time. I was in the town library, procrastinating from researching a paper I really didn’t want to write by browsing the mythology and spiritualism stacks – I miss libraries. I pulled out a book, sat on the floor, and a smaller book I had unknowingly dislodged fell from the shelf onto my head. It was an illustrated Purana, I think. I don’t know, because it was written entirely in Sanskrit or Hindi, or a similar script, so I couldn’t read it. Sri Ganesha was on the cover and in a couple of the illustrations inside the book. I was very taken with him and wished I could read the book. I got back up and started looking through the stacks for more of that script and ran into what I now know was the Ramayana as well. The pictures were stunning. I couldn’t find anything else though, so I asked the librarian. She told me she thought it was Indian mythology but wasn’t certain and didn’t know for sure what the books were. She recommended I look up Indian literature in the Reference Section if I was really interested.
So, I looked it up in references and history but mostly found archeological and cultural anthropology texts. They were interesting but I wasn’t so interested in it back then. I did find out the God who had so interested me was Sri Ganesha, but not much else. I learned about the Ramayana and Mahabharata, but there were no translations available in my local area. The state of information available to a suburban American kid back then was laughable compared to today. So, my journey continued….
(To Be Continued...)
